A String of Unfortunate Events Middleearth Style
by Indareun
Summary: Aragorn thinks he's going to make a great king of Gondor...until some very unexpected visitors show up... Pleaze R&R!


This story picks up where The Return Of The King left off. Since the fellowship had broken up Legolas and Gimli had remained close friends. They tried to keep in touch but to do so, they had to persuade Gandalf to send the eagles back and forth from Gimli's perents' house to Mirkwood. That didn't go as well as planned.  
.:Backflash to gimli and Legolas begging Gandalf:.

Legolas: holding onto Gandalf's leg Gandalf, peeeeeeeeeezzzzzzz?

Gimli: Yeah Gandalf! What he said.

Gandalf: You baffoons! Get off of me!

Legolas releases Gandalf's leg and walks over to the potion table to check it out. He picks up a bright blue bottle and takes it to Gandalf. As he walks over he trips on his robes and spills the potion all over Gandalf's face. everyone falls silent.

Legolas:(In a laughing voice)...Gandalf! I'm soo sorry!

Gimli:turns around and snickers

Gandalf: Get out!

See what I mean?

Well, anyways, it didn't go as planned so they went to plan B. They decided to go live with Aragorn in Gondor. After all, Aragorn seemed to like both of them well enough to let them stay.

Gimli and Legolas walk up to the doors of Gondor where they are greeted with a big celebration and Aragorn who buys a whole new outfit just to wear when they come. ( The only reason he did it was because the whole way to Mordor, Legolas nagged him about changing his clothes every once in a while and he didn't want to go through that again.)

Aragorn: My friends! Welcome!

Legolas: Vedui mellon! I've missed you all of these years.

Aragorn: Legolas, it's only been four hours since you last saw me.

Legolas: Oh...well...being without you it has seemed like an eternity.

Aragorn: Legolas, you know I'm not like that right?

Legolas:eyes start to tear up You mean...sniffs... you don't like me?

Aragorn: No, no, it's not that. I like you as a friend but just not as a ...you know...really friendly friend.

Legolas:Starts crying I see how you wan't to be! runs back down the bridge. As he's running he has his hands over his eyes and he falls off the side of the bridge into the moat

Gimli: Legolas! Jumps into the moat to save Legolas but forgets to take his axes off so sinks to the bottom and drowns

Aragorn: At last! I am rid of them once and for all!

As Aragorn starts to go inside the castle, Gandalf rides up on Shadowfax. Aragorn rolls his eyes and turns around with an attitude.

Gandalf: I heard Legolas and Gimli have come to live with you!

Aragorn: Yes...they have.

gandalf: Where are they? For I must appologize to Legolas. I'm afraid I hurt his feelings.

Aragorn: They're...sleeping? Yes! They were so tired when they arrived they went to get some rest before the big feast tonight.

Gandalf: Well, I guess I'll just stay and appologize at the feast, if it is all right with the king that is.

Aragorn: Uuummmm...how about I just tell him you said you are sorry for you because I doubt they'll even come to the feast they'll be so tired.

Gandalf: Uh-hu. Surely it wouldn't hurt if I just stay here untill tomorrow and talk to him then.

Aragorn: Sure! You can stay here any time you need. You are welcome here and you know that.

Gandalf: Thank you! I am very much abliged.

Aragorn has no idea what he is going to do. If Gandalf finds out that Legolas and Gimli were laying dead right beneath where he was standing he would for sure have a heart attack and it would be all over the "Middle Earth Times" newsrock the next morning. He had to come up with a plan.

When Gandalf went to bed that night, Aragorn had a very clever plan. He wrote an urgent note for Gandalf and signed it as Sam. It said that Frodo had gotten attacked by a pig that thought his nubby finger was a peanut. Frodo was in terrible pain and was asking for Gandalf.(Frodo and Gandalf had decided they didn't like it in the west so they came back in a few hours.)

Aragorn walked into Gandalf's room and started freaking out because he had forgotten that most wizards sleep with their eyes open. He thought Gandalf was dead until one of his men went up and poked the wizard in the eye and (to their surprize) he screamed out in pain. It is a known fact that a wizard's eyes are very tender.  
Gandalf: Oooooouuuuuucccchhhhh! You fool of a Took! ...Oh, I'm sorry. I was having a terribly bad dream where Pippin was trying to take my ice cream away and he bit my eye out.

Aragorn: It is okay my friend. But I'm afraid we have gotten some troublesome news of Frodo.

Gandalf: Frodo? I thought I told that Sam not to let him get into trouble or I would make him pick my feet.

Aragorn: That doesn't sound like such a bad punishment.

Gandalf removes his socks to reveal his feet which looked like they were 100,000,000,000 years old. They had some sort of fungus growing all over them and the toenails were like chocolate. All mushy and brown. Aragorn turned around and puked then he passed out after the excrutiating stench reached his nose. He didn't wake up for about an hour and when he did he had the worst headache. He sat up and remembered the note.

Aragorn: Gandalf, this is the note that came for you this evening telling of Frodo.

No answer

Aragorn:Looks at Gandalf to see him staring straight at him Gandalf? Turns Gandalf over and finds he has been stabbed in the butt with the letter opener that Aragorn was holding when he passed out.

Aragorn doesn't know what to do so he puts Gandalf into one of the guest beds in another room.

Someone knocks at the door and Aragorn goes to answer it. His guard answers and announces that Frodo, Sam, Pippin, and Merry were there to visit.

Aragorn: It is 12:00 at night! Why did they come so late?

Guard: Hobbiton has burned down and they had nowhere else to go. I told them that they could stay here.

Aragorn: You did this without my permission! How dare you! Throws the guard over the side of the bridge and guard dies.

Aragorn walks out and meets the guests who have just seen him kill the guard.

Aragorn: Hello my friends!

Frodo:Looks at Aragorn in disguist Friend? Is that how your friends end up? points to the guard floating back up in the water

Aragorn: He was getting on my nerves!...huh...You know I can't control my temper that well.

It starts to storm and Frodo gets struck by the first lightning bolt that hits.

Aragorn: What luck! Dinner's ready! Fried Hobbit's my favorite and I didn't even have to lift a finger. Well, I never do anyways but this is convenient.

The hobbits look at Aragorn in anger then out of nowhere...they charge! They jump on Aragorn and as he looks at them. He remembers them being a lot prettier.

hobbits: We like fresh meat better!start licking all over Aragorn and then they explain to him that they were not the real hobbits. It turns out, Gollum had a daughter named Gollina. The hobbits ran into her on the way back from Rivendell and fell madly in love with her. In the Shire, it is not rare, for a hobbit maiden to have four husbands so they all became her lovers. Gollina had tripplets and they looked almost like the fathers, accept for the annoyingly big eyes and sharp teeth. Plus they discovered the trait that they got from their mother's side of the family, they loved raw meat. They ate Aragorn after they told him the story.

The "hobbits" ended up taking over Gondor and made everybody start eating raw meat. The kingdom spread, and soon, all of Middle-earth was full of canibals! The people of Middle-earth never had a problem with orks or uruk-hai ever again.They just ate them. 

THE END 


End file.
